Sunday, October 31, 2010

KEEPING FEAR ALIVE!! - a poem by Stephen Colbert

Colbert's poem
presented by Sam Waterston

                       Are you sure?
copyright 2010 by the reverend Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA

Did you hear that?
You're probably going deaf.
It's your kids back home cooking up some crystal meth.

Did you turn off the oven?
Did you set the alarm?
They still haven't caught the man with one arm.

Look around at these people. How safe do you feel?
Your car when you parked -- did you lock it?
Thinking reasonably now what are the odds 
That nobody here's a pick pocket.

That guy who just coughed on your neck, 
Could he have an infection?
The restaurant where you went to brunch,
Did it fail its health inspection?

A madman could set loose a virus for which there isn't a cure.
And while these things may be unlikely
Ask yourself, are you sure?

And can you be sure that you won't get Ebola
From a tainted diet cola.
Toxic waste or getting chased by a bearded Ayatollah.

Funnel clouds and hail, anthrax in the mail.
Your lover will discover your vestigial tail.

Someone's robbing your house.
I can see through your blouse.
Your mother was right, you chose the wrong spouse.
Unlabeled Drano tornados torpedoes,
The horrible sites of some Guido’s in speedos.

STDs PCBs SUVs UV light.
A giant pimple on your face.
You have a date tonight.

Choking on a biscotti,
Being wacked by John Gotti
Getting trapped overnight
In a full port-o-potty.

And I’ve one final fear to drop in your bucket
About a friend of a friend of the man from Nantucket...

There once was a man from Eau Claire, who no one was able to scare.
He wouldn't join panics about the Hispanics
And later he was killed by a bear.

True story.

1 comment:

  1. Check this one out.



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